God Only Knows...

Last week I was reminded how much I need Marie to keep me headed in the right direction... literally.

Being a big, important business man (in my own mind) I confidently packed my bags for meetings in Florida and with the air of a man who knows his business, tossed it in the back of the car. With a smug flick of the key in the ignition, I fired out of the driveway and veered my pretend Saab North towards Cleveland Hopkins airport.

During the trip, I tuned into "Radio Free America" the left-wing liberal station. To be fair, I occasionally flip back and forth between this and more conservative talk radio so I can hear two sides point fingers at eachother for their problems.

"George Bush is a genius for eating waffles this morning!!"

"George Bush is an idiot for eating waffles this morning!!"

Anyways, the station was doing a song parody to the Beach Boy's "God Only Knows" song that went like this:

"I only know what God wants for you"
"I only know..."
"I only know what God wants for you"

etc. etc.

I forget any of the words, but remembered that I liked the real song, and where had I heard it?? I dialed Marie, who knows all the words to any song she's heard twice, to see if she could jog my memory.

Conversation went like this:

"God only knows... it's the song from Love Actually."

"Oh yeah! I love that song. Hmm. Thanks. That would have bothered me all day."

"Glad I could help. So are you ok getting to your flight?"

"Yeah, I'm cutting it a little closer than I would like, but unless something goes wrong, I should be fine."

"Yeah. Good thing you're only going to Akron/Canton."

*choke* *sputter* "What? Oh no... I AM going to Akron!!!"

"What's wrong?"

"I'M HALFWAY TO FREAKING CLEVELAND!!!"

"Um..."

"Aaaarrrgghhh!! I have to go... I have to figure out... I ... um... Aaaarrrghhh!!!"

At that point I was just reaching the junction of interstate and 77, which is tremendously lucky, as 77 is a direct route south to the airport. I called our travel service to see what I could do...

"Carlson travel, can I help you?"

"Yeah, I'm worried I might be late... My flight out of CAK is at 11:55 and I don't think I'll make it there until 11:30ish at the earliest."

"Ok, let me call the airport."

*Waiting on hold, I wanted to swear profusely. However, I controlled myself, at least as far as this blog is concerned*

"Ok sir, we called the airport."

"Ok? And?"

"Drive fast."

"............"

"Thanks for calling Carlson, I hope you have a nice day."

No land speed records were set that day, but that little Hyundai hurtled pretty quickly down the road. When I tore into the CAK parking lot, I jumped out of my car and jogged the short block from the parking lot into the airport and up to the ticket counter.

Because they called the airport, they were actually ready for me, with salty "you should know better looks", which made checking in easier, if irritating. We did get to have the following, fun exchange.

"Sir, do you have any bags?"

"Yeah, just one other than my carry on. Is it easier for me to gate check it or check it in here?"

"It's easier to gate check."

"Um.. ok, I think I'll go ahead and check it in here."

I am not a fan of the gate check. I have traveled with many people who use it, and I've beaten them to the car as often as they have beaten me. In addition, having to lug the thing around the airport and change planes is an unnecessary distraction when you're excited to bring tape awareness to the infidels.

I didn't make any friends at the ticket counter that day.

To finish the story, I made my flight. With not much time to spare, I headed the wrong way for 20 minutes, and still made my flight. Why? Because I have a wife that is much smarter than me. Let me be corny and say that we've always meant to be together, and that she was meant to point me in the right direction more often than I deserve. God only knows what I'd be without her.

God Only Knows - Beach Boys
If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would livin' do me
God only knows what I'd be without you