ALL HAIL THE BINKY

Sunday is Lillian's birthday. She will be 3 weeks old. In the spirit of over indulgence which we hope to shower upon her majesty, we decided to give her a present two days early.

This present was the almighty binky. Our approach to parenting is threefold- one part research, one part experiment, and one part weary confusion.

Our research suggested that we should wait 2-3 weeks to bring in binky reinforcement, so as to avoid difficulty nursing. As this allotted span has passed, and filled with weary confusion over the past few days, we decided to experiment. With clipboards and labcoats, we brandished the pacifier over her groping mouth. We had high hopes of happiness and sleep as she furtively explored this new device. Our first several offerings rebuffed, she suddenly got the concept, and started pumping that little piece of plastic like an oil derrick.

I have to say I was immensely happy because it looked like it made my little girl content. I also had a new weapon in my arsenal of cry prevention techniques. Thus far, when she started to fidget with reckless abandon, I went through the following checklist:

1) Hungry? She just ate...
2) Diaper? Dry...
3) Need to burp? Nothing...
4) um... Hungry? Oh right, too soon...
5) Frustration with Bush's domestic response and foreign policy? 2 years before I can do anything about that...
6) Resignation to weary confusion

Now, the world is a better place! If she's eaten recently, and singing and playing don't seem to work, then I just make a call to the bullpen and out comes binky!

Now I need to go back to my research and find out the binky rules. I'm overly sensitive that one wrong parenting move will reap consequences in twenty years:

Dad: Lily, you know I love you, but I'm worried about where things are going for you.

Lily: Dad, you should be worried, and it's all your fault for leaving my binky in too long! You should have known that prolonged binky exposure contributes to lower test scores and bad judgement! Don't even ask me what the capital of Missouri is, I have no idea!

In the end, Marie and I have a wonderful support group of friends and family, and we look forward to their advice, both solicited, and unsolicited, about how we are messing up this wonderful child.